Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in trooperlead's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
5:20 pm	Signing off It's been fun, but this is the last post. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
10:58 pm	nana nana nah nah, i made you eat your parents... Victory is delicious. It's this taste you can't get out of your mouth. The triumph of being able to stand atop the mountain [of corpses and those who stood in your way] and point at your defeated opponent and say 'hah! there! I'm better than you!' Nothing can beat that. It's more addictive than anything I've ever experienced. Beer and sex can't even compare to victory. The high you get after defeating an opponent is so many things at once, you can't begin to describe it, but I will try. You want to keep doing it, because they need to be reminded. You want to savor it, because it was hard fought. You want to relive it, because it reminds you of your greatness. You want to let it slide, to allow you to be humble. You want to rub it in their face, because Fuck humble. You want to do anything and everything to keep the feeling going without letting it go for too long, and be reveling in a past victory. That's what victory is to me. That's what I feel whenever I beat someone at anything. It could be for a pickup football game, for a grudge match at the range, for a girl, for points in a bar quiz, for a better grade than that douche in class you clashed with. For Pride. But it's still victory, and it always feels the same. And goddamn does it feel good. So tomorrow night is one of my last major party nights. Tomorrow is the 'everyone gets laid' night. It'll be a freakin' blast. I hope. My family gets here in the morning. My room is a sty, because I've been packing. Oddly, I've taken over 2 car loads already, and the place is still a mess. Go figure. Well, good luck to me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 30th, 2006
10:24 am	well... So... they had the car I wanted, and I was able to get them to the price I wanted, so I have a new car. Go figure. Xterra Off Road. I'll be posting pictures on good old facebook soon. I can't wait to take it up mudding this week. Just to check it out... anyways, I gotta go play with my new toy. peace out homeslices. Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
10:30 pm	hwo i got here I've been sitting here going over banking paperwork, loan stuff, and looking at car prices. My life, in 13 days, will be at a goal I always wanted, but never thought I could, achieve. On 12MAY I will be commissioned as a 2LT in the United States Army. That's not too freakin' shabby. Becoming an officer was a goal of mine since about 4th or 5th grade, but as I became more of a loner, more indoorsy, and supposedly sicker I realized it was probably not going to happen. Then I got motivated for a while, and fixed the indoorsy bit. I started playing sports and working out, but not yet obsessively. I also realized I didnt' have to be a total social recluse, and started to make friends. This almost set me back even more. In my first group of friends I met alot of nice people, who I'm still friends with to this day, and they are not the ones who almost set me back. They're been more than encouraging, and have always provided both an example to strive towards and a check to my hubris, which definitely grew by leaps and bounds as I started to succeed at some of my smaller goals. Then there was the 2nd wave of people, and they were fun. Lots of fun. And while they helped me in some ways, in others they didn't. It would be rude and self-serving to go into too much detail, but I started to feel that I didn't need to do anything to prove myself anymore. Some would say 'great, you were comfortable.' But I am not satisfied with what I am, and I never will be, nor should I be. But I never found reason to separate from this group of people. Then, not even three years ago something happened that wasn't anything monumental in the grand scheme of things, but at the time rocked me pretty bad. Ironically, that incident has created and shaped me into who I am today. Firstly, because of something associated with it, I decided it was too much of a risk to try and be a pilot, so I joined the Army instead. I thought I was settling at the time, but now I realize that I'd've lost my mind in the Air Force or Navy. Further, that incident started me onto my current near-obsessional workout routines. And now, here I am, ready to go into the Combat Arms as an officer with one of the world's best fighting units. Not too shabby. So, in conclusion, Thanks. I know where I stand, and I've got a pretty good idea where all the people I've left behind stand. None of them should know this page or even my contact info, so I know they won't read this. This is just soul cleansing for me. and somewhat hilarious. Now, as for graduation... 13 more days! I"m going down to Fort Carson tomorrow to pick up sets of ACUs and plastic containers to pack my shit into. Danielle is coming over tonight, and is going to come back to boston with me at the end of May. Tasha is healthy and a nutcase. and i'm going to go finish what I was doing. Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: Fuel - Metallica (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
11:00 pm	this weekend i only meant to spend friday night with danielle, and i ended up there all weekend. And I had a blast. We took tasha hiking. I've never seen a dog run into a tree... until now. I've also never seen a dog jump headfirst into the ground... again, i have now. then we went and got a bite to eat and looked at furniture [i know, how dull, right?] How can you not like sectionals?! huh?! they're wicked awesome i think. the whole connecting corner thing makes them ubercomfortable. I finally have allergies here in colorado. thank god i'm outta here in a few weeks, lol. this state has been a boatload of fun for three years. But I think i'm ready for a new locale. that's one thing I'm going to love about the army, the moving every few years. well, time to keep working after this little distraction. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
9:03 pm	well well well Well, first off, I finally got my head out of my ass about Danielle and told her how I feel about her. And, now, things are going along very smoothly. She's going to come to marshvegas over Memorial Day to visit and see where I grew up. Then, as soon as she leaves, I'll be on my way to lovely Fort Sill, Oklahoma to report for Active Duty. I'll be there till the latter portion of this year, and then I'll be off to Fort Bragg. I'll either be in the XVIII Airborne Corps Artillery or the 82nd Airborne Division. Hopefully there will be a little detour to Fort Benning [most likely, actually, as I'm not Airborne qualified yet] taht will last a month or three. Hopefully, three. And then I'll be done with training. School is starting to wind down, by ramping up. I have a little bit more to do between now and graduation, but it's almost all due in the next two weeks. Then I'll be done with my regular schooling. Finally. Anyways, I'm not gonna go into a recap of the past two weeks, but needless to say, they have been very very interesting. And I have a real girlfriend now. No more beating around the bush. Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 19th, 2006
4:16 pm	Well, another weekend, another set of days gone. I almost got into a few fights friday night with drunken boulder kids. One kid just kept trying to get in front of me in a line, so I squared off with him, and politely [really, I was sober, so I was fairly polite, though very firm] told him it would be in his best interest to get back to his spot in line. The kids that were in a fight behind us, stopped fighting and just started at the drunken loudmouth and me, calmly getting ready to whoop his ass. Out of nowhere, this kid gets tackled, and his friend puts him in a headlock and drags him away, apologizing to me profusely about his friends behavior and saying to his friend 'he was gonna put in work on you, are you fucking stupid?!' That gave me a giggle. There was a plethora of women out that night too, and I was having a fairly good night and wished I had a third arm, but alas I only had two. Oh yeah, and Baccaro? that place has a new name 'Frat Slut Island.' D is being a girl lately. I'm really not sure what to do with the whole situation. There are so many pros and cons to the whole thing that it's starting to annoy me. Plus, I've just got a bad feeling about the whole thing lately. She just doesn't seem to understand me or where I'm coming from. Nor does she get that I'm giving what I know how to give. I'm not a perfect guy by any means. I don't do the whole 'emotional' thing, or let people into my life. Hell, my family doesn't even really understand me, but look at me through my whole life. I've never let people in on that level. That's all I'll say on that. and again, there is that bad feeling. There's other things too. Ah well, it's back to schoolwork for me. I'm as busy as a retard in a roomful of bouncy balls lately. Current Mood: cold (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 16th, 2006
11:24 pm	i've never done one of these You Are a Warrior Soul You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating. You don't give up. You're committed and brave. Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle. Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog. You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods. You also value honesty and fairness a great deal. You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding. You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul What Kind of Soul Are You? Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
10:11 pm	VEGAS Yes, i'm still a dork. Yes, I still procrastinate. And yes, I'm still not really an enjoyable enough person to convince people to join me on a vacation. BUT. i am finally taking a vacation that doesn't involve living in primitive conditions for spring break. of course, i will also be doing part of the week hiking and/or skiing. but that's beside the point. the POINT is that i'm going to vegas, and i'll have a good time! but i have newfound respect for anyone who planned a vacation before the invention of the internet. even using the internet, it took me about 6 total hours of planning to get this whole thing priced out and set up. Granted, I got a much better price than I would have using the phone, and only spent a morning and two afternoons planning it. what's my point? i'm not sure. but plannign these things must've been much harder back in the day. So, i've barely slept for a few days now, and i'm not about to get some more tonight, blah. bed by 11? hopefully. i'll settle for 1130. mmm wendy's nuggets... mmmm... bacon oh, and even with the shit i've ate lately, i've lost another pound! hotdamn! i'm definitely getting under the weight limit by the APFT. and hopefully i'll be looking good by march 29th when i fly to sin city. on another note, tasha has taken to liking to go to bed early, and she can't sleep alone i think. she paces and putters around my chair as i try to do homework late at night. she'll push my chair out of the way, walk under the desk, bump the desk a bit, come back out, nudge me repeatedly, and give me sad puppy dog eyes. it's really quite remarkable. well, time to finish my work for the night. i figured i would let everyone know that things are going pretty well. Current Mood: drained (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
5:55 pm	thsi weekend This weekend has been great. I got all the relaxing done i needed to. I got a lot of work done. I partied two nights, and actually enjoyed myself each night. No coming home at the end wanting to fight people. My hangover wasn't even that bad, which is always a plus now that i'm getting old. hmm... what else? i dunno, it's just been a good couple of days, so i'm stoked. even though it's been fucking cold. Current Mood: complacent (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 17th, 2006
9:03 pm	this week kinda sucked? i've been sick since saturday or sunday, i'm not sure which, because i was outside all saturday and felt crappy cause it was so damned cold. then the week just seemed to get ahead of me from the start, and that i didn't actually get caught up till this morning. i've been tired as hell lately, and not for lack of sleep. i usually get in about 7 hours a night, which is good for a college kid, but i usually skip breakfast in favor of coffee, eat a very late lunch/snack and then have an ok dinner, if i eat dinner. and work out just about every day, whether it be with the army or on my own. i'm in great shape though, so that's a plus. i picked up the new star wars game yesterday, it's pretty sweet. definitely the best game from lucasarts in a while. i started to get jaded after rebellion and force commander, but this is pretty fantastic. tasha is turning into one of the best decisions i ever made. she's loyal, fun, and a generally good dog. you can't beat the excitement and happiness on a dog's face when you walk in the door, you really really can't. or how they just eat up lying down next to you on the bed floor or couch. it's realllly cold out. like, the kind of cold where you feel snot freeze in your nose, just like when you're breathing air from an ice cream freezer. where your ears hurt just from being outside. it's -5 right now, and i'm not talking celcius. there's this one guy in my american foreign policy class who i just cna't stand. his facts are usually pretty far off, and he can't get past the fact that he hates george bush, he hates wars, and most importantly, he hates the idea that maybe, just maybe, america and the west have got it pretty much figured out. he tried to kill my pakistan argument a few weeks ago, and some pakistani girl helped him out, but to be honest, they missed the point of what i was saying, and actually agreed with me, but made it seem like i was wrong. unfortunately the class was running late, so i couldn't clarify my point. but today, he made a comment about jews and muslims fighting having been recorded in teh bible. i pointed out for everyone, that facts presented as truth need to examined for fear that they are propaganda, much like his 'fact' that muslims and jews fought int he bible, which was impossible as the bible was primarily written prior to 620AD, which is when Islam was founded. I really don't think I heard him speak the rest of the class... do i feel bad? not really, he deserved it. if you want to argue your specific world view, which i admit i do as well, at least have the academic background to do it effectively, and do not pick a fight with the really smart SOB who sits up front. BITCH. does it show that this kid annoys me? he's got a southern accent and i think he talks to remind himself he still has it. well, time to shower, let hte dog out, and then go play some beer pong. Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
9:27 pm	sigh of maturity I think the most telling sign of maturity is the word 'Why,' and the way you use it. As a child, when someone tells you a fact, at first you accept it. Then as you age, you start to ask why, but still generally accept the answers, even if you don't understand it. When you finally become an adult, you ask why, and seek to actually understand what the thing you're asking about means. As we all know, some people never leave childhood, and don't actually seek to understand what is going on. Another, and possibly more important sign of maturity, is asking why you have to do something. As a child, when someone asks you a simple favor, you instantly ask 'WHY?!' Take the trash out. Why? Do the dishes. Why? Can you please do ANYTHING? Why? As an adult, you notice most people simply say 'yes' or 'no' to common favors. When you ask someone a simple favor you don't usually expect a whiny retort of 'why?' Gawd I can't stand that. I notice that many 'adults' still possess one of these two traits, and so I still consider them children, and treat them as such. There are other things to look for, like thinking of others first, thinking ahead, being proactive, and wanting to better yourself. But I'm thinking it's an interesting idea to use the word 'why' as a measure of maturity. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
10:10 pm	a younger me would've sought some kind of confrontation, insisting the problems be solved immediately. an older and calmer me has let them be solved each individually in their own time, and each issue that was solved led to others being solved. and all that was needed was to make one point plainly clear and then back off to let that sink in. and peace reigns again. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 30th, 2006
11:16 pm	damnit, i should be sleeping i spent 20 years tryin to get outta this place / i was lookin for somethin i couldn't replace / i was runnin away from the only thing i've ever known I love college, and i especially love watching other people go through it, even from a distance. the process of moving out, self discovery, and trying to reach back and grab onto something that has come and gone. There was this weird feeling I got as a kid every single first schoolday of the year. I havn't felt it once since the first day of senior year. It was addictive and rare [clearly]. I can't even try to describe it. It was all around and drowned me. it was in my eyes, nose, ears, throat, mouth, fingers. it was a tangible feeling. But again, it's gone, and now all I can do is find new things. I think that is one of the reasons i'm always out seeking an adventure and trying new things, just for the sake of maybe getting that feeling again. I'm just always amazed to see other people go through the same things i had. maybe that feeling isn't lost becuase someone else somewhere else will have it. there was this radio story I heard years ago on a daytrip to either a ski resort or water country, and on the way back i heard the story. there was this thing that could move through time and see what it had seen before, and then move forward to what it would see later. and in the past it felt its predecessor and, finally, in the end it felt its successor. it was pretty interesting, and i'm surprised i still remember it, but, it's kinda how life seems most of the time. and that aint so bad by me Current Mood: drained Current Music: Who says you can't go home? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
12:45 pm	it's sunday morning It's actually sunday afternoon right after i logged off last night i jumped in my car and drove like a madman to the dry cleaners, cutting through the CU basketball game traffic and driving in the breakdown lane, trying to get there by 7. turns out, it closed at 6, lol. so i was a total asshole lunatic for nothing. so i finally got to drop it off this morning. only to find out that the place i'm supposed to go to dinner tonight is a jacket required place. unfortunately my jacket won't be ready till tomorrow. so now who knows what's going on i need to go work out too tasha has been up all morning becuase the weather is so nice out. and now she's chilling on my bed relaxing. i'm gonna go see underworld evolution this afternoon with my old roommate. only because we both believe underworld was the worst movie ever made, so we need to see why it warranted a sequel. anyways, i'm not really sure what else to say, so i'm out Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 28th, 2006
6:26 pm	thank fuckin' god I'm so fuckin happy that I don't still live in my hometown. That I don't still go to underground bands playing at churches. That I don't still hang out in my friends' parents' basements. I'm so glad I have a future. I'm so glad I got my life together. I'm damned glad I take care of myself. I'm ecstatic I'm not in a go-nowhere job. And most of all, I'm glad I don't think any of the things I used to do are cool anymore. Thank god. No regrets about shedding that former shell. My roommate tried to get a dog today, but pretty much got screwed by the landlord. The landlord wants a doubling of the pet deposit [which, to this point, I covered entirely myself, as it's so far only my dog living here]. So, even though the meet with the new dog went very well, we probably won't be able to get it. The landlord may not even agree to a 2nd dog, but if he does, it's at least another 500 in the deposit arena. and my roommate can't afford that... sorta like he can never afford to pay me the bills. And, seeing as how he parks in the middle of the driveway, and then bitches when I park him in or park in the same spot [becuase it makes him have to drive over the curb... which i guess my car does better?], i'm willing to assume he's going to blame me and my dog for him not being able to have a dog. gawd I cant' stand people like him. it's never his fault, and he never notices anyone else. You can do everything in the house for ages, and you leave a dish in the sink, and he throws a tantrum about how he does all the work. It can get very irritating. I'm mainly venting right now, and am definitely not painting a good portrait, because there's two sides to every story, and i'm definitely emphasizing one particularly bad side right now, but goddamn that bothers me. and if he tries to make this my fault somehow, i'll be pissed. It probably would've ended up my dog anyways, because he's never around, and when he is, he's sleeping or goign out to the bars. we did an all day lab this morning, which was nice. and working with the younger cadets, we were able to veer off from the official training schedule and add in some variables that made things quite a bit more interesting. but god did i have to pee on the drive home. my niece is now 4 years old. I still remember the night I was working at Starbucks when I got the call that she'd been born. I guess there is a basketball game tonight. I should've known since Danielle is working in boulder tonight [i can be a serious retard sometimes]. maybe i'll go hit the bars afterwards, since it should be kinda hoppin' then. But this kinda rules out going to the gym, since all the parking on campus will be pretty much used up. Plus, fuck that. I'll work out tomorrow, lift, hit the bike, and maybe work something else in, but not tonight. I'm too demotivated. i keep hoping to meet the girl of my dreams, but i know it's kinda fruitless for so many reasons. 1. when I go to OBC i'll be convinced she's cheating on me [c'mon, I'm a catch, but not so much that you don't keep fishing]. 2. I'm moving to god know's where within the next year, so I wouldn't have enough time to get serious with anyone before I moved. 3. I don't have a good track record of picking up random girls and dating them. In fact, I'd say my record advises against it, with one or two notable exceptions. on the flip side to that, i've established a bit of a personality with the political science department, enough that I usually know a couple of people in every class I take. And it's hard to deny that most of the classes I'm in quickly become 'the dan show,' because I keep up with the readings, and actually can understand what's going on [thanks for all of those long deep debates dad, it's paid off]. And supposedly intelligence is attractive? I'm not sure if i buy that. I can't say that I'd trade my intelligence for a set of rock hard abs, but that's only becuase the intelligence will get me more money one day. Which trumps everything. I keep meeting all these nice girls, but i just don't think they're interested in me, and stretching back to the first time i ever asked a girl out, i'm terrified to make any kind of first move. I know it's retarded, but it's how I am [plus, when you're only afraid of ants and talking to girls, you can't complain too much. dark? spiders? death? large animals? don't bother me... can't complain] and plus, girls seem to like SNAGs [sensitive new age guys], Gangstas [rich white kids pretending to be poor inner city hoodlums], and drug addict hippies [drug addict hippies, who don't bathe, work, contribute to society]. And I'm too independent to fall into a stereotype that easily. I'm really fucking glad I don't still go to basement parties, local rock shows, or any of the other things I used to do. But I sure could go for a fire and a 30 pack on the beach Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
10:03 pm	SUCCESS well, good ole me, i've managed to do it again. I've taken a perfectly good girl, nice smart sweet cute and thinks i'm great, and managed to be a total asshole to her. driven her away [if i ever really let her close enough to drive away]. and managed to be a total asshole in the process. Breaking up, no matter how long in the making, has to be one of the worst experiences a human being can have [even if it's just a clarification of what's already happened]. I'm not talking about the emotional loss afterwards, because I'm an emotionless SOB [which I freely acknowledge]. I'm talking more of the things you say. The half thoughts that have troubled you for months, which you never developed, that you finally say. You're not sure if they're true or not, but you say them anyways. And people get hurt, and it sucks balls. And it's not right. Most of what you end up saying is a half truth at best. Or only applies to some situations. And it sucks So, on a positive note for the day, since I don't want to be a whiney emo bitch, the Steelers romped on the broncos. I have to say 'I told ya so.' When your offense plays as shitty as the broncos did against the pats, and you only advanced because the referees wanted the colts to play an 'easier' opponent [which ended up being a mute point anyways], then you're bound to lose when you play against a team with a desire to win at all costs. Fuck I'm in a foul mood. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica S&M (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
10:11 pm	i found a new torture goddamn, i found a new torture: boredom after hard work. i've been busting my ass nonstop today, and now, finally, i have nothing to do. so, i've been sitting here fidgeting going insane slowly over the past hour. and the dinner i cooked? not up to my standards. so i'm pissed and kinda hungry. and there's nothing on TV cause it's tuesday night. and i don't want to go to the bars. i found moleskin notebooks today, wchih is sweet. and and and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i put in for Fort Bragg, so hopefully i'll get it. i'm watching sopranos season 3 right now so i can be ready for the new season i'm workin gout about daily, sometimes twice, which is making me happy the days are slowly getting longer i have a new way to make teriyaki and oraganized my notebook gawd i'm so fuckin' bored shoot me Current Mood: giddy (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
9:45 pm	i'm back well, i'm back in boulder now. it's great to be back. adn this weekend is the start of the playoffs, so that is gonna be sweet to watch. but i'm pretty much exhausted still, so i will write something later on. but i made it home ok. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
2:55 pm	Christmas Cards I hate Christmas Cards. Not the nice family made ones, that have a family picture as the cover. But the generic store-bought ones with quotes or bible verses in them. Yes, they show you were thinking about the person, but now the recipient is left with a dilemma. Which ones to save? It's not like you're going to be throwing away a precious memento with words of wisdom the sender is trying to impart on you. Nor will you be tossing away a picture of your cousins, friends, etc. But if you do, then you are showing that the card really isn't that important, it's whatever was in it. We all know most cards come with something in them, but we almost all put that something aside as we read the card, to show we aren't materialistic. But in the end, the check is cashed, the picture is posted, and the card itself is thrown away. I really hate Christmas Cards. On a personal note, it's raining and nasty out, it's about 1600 and it's damn near dark outside. I just got back from picking up a few more books at the Mall. I was within about 2 feet of someone I havn't talked to in 2 and a half years. That was awkward. Then I puttered on out to the movie theater to see what was playing. I'm sorry, but nothing really strikes me as that interesting at the movies right now. Maybe Dick and Jane. Maybe the Producers. Possibly the Ringer. Definitely not King Kong. The Narnia books always struck me as tedious, so I'm not interested in the movie. I say my friends last night for dinner at Outback. It's weird, I've known them for over 8 years now. That's a long time for me to know anyone. And this might have been the last time I see a few of them for a very long time. I'm not expecting to be back in Marshfield for at least another year, as I'm not expecting to come here at all this summer. And ever next year at the Holidays I might not come home. I'm expecting to still be in training at Thanksgiving, and at Christmas I should be working, or at the least settling into a new place of my own. But most likely working. And the New Year? I'll probably spend that someplace fun... or working. I'll see a few more of them this year at New Year's, but some won't be making it. Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)